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<  General  ~  A Cautionary Tale

PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:11 pm
User avatarPosts: 40Joined: Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:46 pm
To all you tough guys who seek to sully my reputation here before I am even granted a chance, contingent on my name being corrected to "Spruce Mouthman", to give you all the opportunity of a lifetime: here is a quick story of what happened to the last keyboard warrior who got in my face.


I was minding my own business, waiting in line to buy a water bottle at an amusement park. I hear a sharp yell over my shoulder, "HEY BIG GUY, why don'tcha come 'ere and gimme a shot, pal?"

Now, the last person who said that was sent to the hospital within seconds, but it was a sunny day, and mothers and children were occupying the park in great number.

So I played it cool. "Excuse me?" As I turned around to face the aggressor, I realized that I had passed a "guess your weight" booth on my way to the concession stand.

Sure enough, a 20-something prick with gelled hair behind a counter was beckoning me over. I walked up to him calmly and gave him a stone-cold glare and said "I'm not your pal" as I piped my sleeves up to expose my rippling 20" guns.

He swallowed hard and I could sense his fear. My military training has sharpened this sense. Given that I knew an apology was coming, I inched toward him once more, until my knees were against the counter, and I told him firmly, "It's too late for 'sorry'"

I grabbed the back of his head with my massive bear paw hand and slammed it forward onto the counter, breaking his nose instantly and knocking him out.

I lowered my gaze to his snoring and convulsing body on the ground, and said "How's that for a shot" and went back to get my water bottle.

Sure enough, all the would-be tough guys who had filled in the concession queue in my absense quickly stepped aside and allowed me my former position in the queue.

I got my water, put my creatine in it, and recounted this story to his manager, who later fired him.



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Spruce Mouthman
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:19 pm
User avatarPosts: 7050Location: Mom's CouchJoined: Sat Sep 12, 2009 6:23 pm
ImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImageImage



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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:24 pm
User avatarPosts: 40Joined: Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:46 pm
Instead of swatting at it, if it was me instead of that chinaman trying to get rid of that little device, I'd simply run a quick trace with a modified air conditioner or television remote control to pinpoint the location of the punk with the transmitter. And I would beat him within inches of his life.

I've thwarted many stupid pranks like this by either flexing my biceps at the offender, or simply beating them down. And then you better believe they don't put the video clip of the incident on youtube. And you also better believe they have nightmares about the day they met Spruce Mouthman.



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Spruce Mouthman
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:28 pm
User avatarPosts: 13730Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 6:20 pm
hahahahaha



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if the world's running out of dope, then you make dope
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:29 pm
User avatarPosts: 40Joined: Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:46 pm
Got a problem, bozo?



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Spruce Mouthman
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 11:07 pm
User avatarPosts: 13730Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 6:20 pm
mouth
man



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if the world's running out of dope, then you make dope
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